My husband and I recently returned from a trip to Austin, Texas. It was beautiful and refreshing. We also left the kids at home.

The reason I was able to leave the kids behind is because they have ROUTINES and a regular schedule.

Therefore, my close family members could read the 5 page printout of instructions I had prepared because the routines were easy to follow and continue.

You can incorporate routines into your schedule. When I say regularity, I do not mean rigid tight schedules.

Here is an example that may or may not work for you.

1. Go grocery shopping on the same day each week. I recommend going Tuesdays because the beginning and end of the week are usually busy.

2. Designate 2 days a week for laundry. I do not worry about the piles of laundry on any other day except Sunday and Wednesday. That way I don’t stress out about it until the regularly scheduled days.

3. I like to grocery shop Tuesday morning and then come home and cook it all Tuesday afternoon. I buy loads of fresh foods and then I freeze it after my cooking fest!

You can create a time map for yourself by listing all of your responsibilities and then plugging them into hour increments. So for me, a list would include- laundry, cooking, shopping, website editing, exercise, newsletter writing, etc.

Then, I plug all of these responsibilities into some hour of my weekly schedule. I try to make that hour the same every week. It’s easy to remember.

Think of what your responsibilities are-they probably do not change much from week to week- and create routines. You can even call it a “ritual” or “event”. Those words are more celebratory and make it fun.

So my “laundry day parade” on Sundays and Wednesdays is somewhat fun. (I try to spice up my life as much as possible)

What are your ideas?

Rebekah Slatkin is a professional organizer with a website full of information dedicated to getting you organized. Check it out at http://www.best-organizing-products-superstore.com The organizing product reviews and ezine are very helpful!

Does personal goal setting work? Many people want things, situations or accomplishments, call these goals, and then are disappointed when they don’t get them. Call desires goals if you want, but just naming your desires sure isn’t effective goal setting. Good goals have some or all of the following:

1. They are specific. “I want to be healthy” is too general. “I want to lose weight and walk three times a week,” is better.

2. They are measurable. How many pounds do you want to lose? How much money do you want to make? How will you know if your relationship is better?

3. They are in writing. There is power in writing down your goals. It makes them more real, and this influences your subconscious mind, especially if you review the goals regularly.

4. They are realistic. Sorry, but even if it is possible that you could become an astronaut, if you’re already 55, you better try for becoming a pilot for now. Unrealistic goals set you up for failure.

5. They have deadlines. You’ll have a new job by when? Setting dates really helps your progress.

6. They become plans. Making a goal into specific steps makes it much more likely. It isn’t overwhelming to take one step at a time.

7. They are motivated. Having the goal for the right reasons is a good start. You should also learn how to re-motivate yourself, and reward yourself when you make progress.

8. They consider personal factors. Can you really get what you want if you feel like you don’t deserve it? Maybe, but good goal setting takes into account personal changes that are necessary or useful.

9. They are followed by action. One of the keys to motivation and to getting where you want to be is to start with any movement towards the goal. Action begets action. Start slow if you must, but start.

10. They are not written in stone. Goals naturally evolve. Why would you become a doctor once you learned that you liked doing lab work better?

The last one is a tough one. An excuse and a change of course are not the same thing, but to know the difference means you need a certain level of self-awareness. Develop that, apply the keys to personal goal setting above, and you’ll get to where you want to be.

Steve Gillman writes on many topics including brainpower, weight loss, meditation, habits of mind, creative problem solving, generating luck and anything related to self improvement. Learn more and get FREE e-courses at http://www.SelfImprovementNow.com

Needless to say, the time after loss is volatile and confusing for most people. Unresolved issues come to the fore and questions we have not answered must often be confronted. Along with a sense of abandonment and sorrow, anger often arises. Most have little understanding of what they are going through, or what to expect in the future. Facing the unknown can produce additional fear.

Yet crisis means opportunity. When the process of grief is handled properly suffering can be diminished and symptoms that may appear later, can be forestalled.
It is even possible for the individual to grow a great deal during this time and benefit from the experience.

The more we understand what we are going through, the less out of control we will feel. At a time like this we need context, meaning and direction. We need to know what to expect and how to handle the many changes that are happening.

The Dynamics of Loss and Grief

Each person reacts differently to loss and that is fine. Some feel abandoned, others feel betrayed and afraid. Some reach out for love and comfort, while others withdraw, wanting time alone. Some go into denial and seem not to register the loss that has happened. These individuals are often unconsciously processing what has happened, not ready to face reality yet. They may fear they will be overwhelmed if they allow themselves to register what has gone on at this time.

It is best not to pressure a person to react differently. When the individual is accepted for who they are at the moment, it is easier for them to let go, and move on. This entire process takes time.
It helps greatly to realize that the pain we go through during grief is normal. It does not mean there is something wrong with us. We need not feel ashamed of or afraid of our feelings.

What Happens When We Are Grieving

When we are grieving, interest in the outside world subsides, we slow down, sleep more, our social activities seem less meaningful. This is not necessarily bad. An individual may need more time alone. In this process the grieving individual is contemplating the nature of their lives and relationships, and coming to terms with the person they’ve lost. They may be reviewing that which was left unsaid or undone.

Grief is usually most difficult when the individual has had troubled or incomplete relationship. When there have been unsolved conflicts left behind, this makes it harder to be at peace. Many spend time blaming themselves for what they did or didn’t do. Others blame doctors, helpers or family members. Casting blame is a way of removing the guilt and sorrow we feel. The sooner they are able to let go of blame and accusations, the sooner they start on the road of healing.

Let Go Of Blame

Blame, self hate and other forms of anger, are common during grief. Although it is important not to repress anger and disappointment, it is best to feel it and then let it go. Some individuals hold onto anger as a way of keeping connected to the person or situation they have lost. The truth is that anger always keeps us out of balance. It is a poison to the one who holds onto it.

Coming To Terms - Steps You Can Take

Ultimately one must reconcile oneself to what happened. Most people do all they can to avoid experiencing their feelings or situation directly. Many fear that if they face their suffering, it will make them feel small and helpless. Actually, the opposite is true. In order to deal with grief wisely, it’s best not to control or resist the feelings. When different emotions arise be gentle with yourself and patient. When these feelings are not resisted, they simply come to awareness and then fade away.

Feelings that are repressed come out later in different ways, including various physical symptoms, phobias and unwanted behaviors. If we do not address our feelings in one mode, they will appear in another - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Through acceptance of reality, of oneself and the other, one develops the power the affirm life, and to grow. One can then give to others, and become a source of inspiration, and live a life that is meaningful. The discovery and experience of value and meaning in one’s life and one’s losses is the most potent healing of all.

Hopefully, we come to a point where forgiveness can take place, (forgiveness of the person we’ve lost, forgiveness of ourselves, the universe, or whatever it is we feel anger with). In order to do this, it is deeply helpful to realize that all of life is temporary. People possessions, situations are given to us for a short time. As we acknowledge the transitory nature of life, we can then begin to look deeper and see what it is that we never lose.

Below are a couple of exercises that are helpful in coming to terms with the relationship you have lost, and with the meaning of loss itself.

Exercise - Giving Gifts

Make a list of the gifts you received from the person, the ways they taught and inspired you. Now find ways to give those gifts to others. As you do so, not only will you be acknowledging what you received from that person, but honoring their memory and keeping their spirit alive.

Exercise - It Suffices

Whenever you think of the person and the way they fell short, what they didn’t give you, say to yourself, “It Suffices.” This is in recognition that they gave all they could, being who they were, and that you can feel satisfied with what you received. (This is an ancient Buddhist practice)

Prayer, Silence And Meditation

Of course the deepest sense of healing, peace and security can come from our connection to God, A Higher Power or our Higher Selves, (different people call it by different names). During the process of grieving it is very helpful to be able to connect with that which is ultimately meaningful to you. Either through prayer, silence, contemplation or meditation, know that you are looked after and protected and that there is a larger purpose in all that happens, though you may not be totally aware of it. Our true security, in all kinds of circumstances, comes from this kind of understanding.

Exercise

- Turn to a feeling you are having and enter a dialogue with it.
Ask, “What are you saying to me?” Listen for an answer. Ask, “What can I learn from this difficult situation? How can I grow strong?” Become silent and listen. As you do this more and more, insight and inspiration will come your way.

- Think of three times in your life when you felt particularly sad or upset. Notice how you handled it. Did you express the feeling? Did you take action on it? Did you pretend it wasn’t there? What happened to you physically? Take a moment to write all this down. Look at the connections between your feelings, actions and reactions. Become aware.

As you become more aware of the journey grief takes you on, you will grow, emotionally and spiritually. You will realize that after loss, something new is always born. Life never stops offering opportunities. Knowing this you will become a source of strength and inspiration to others at this time as well.

Cc/author/2005

Discover crucial steps that will turn a time of loss into one of strength and hope. Dr Brenda Shoshanna, psychologist, speaker, relationship expert has offered over 500 workshops on all aspects of relationships and personal development, including dealing with illness, change and loss. She is the author of many books including The Anger Diet, (30 days to Stress Free Living), McMeel, http://www.theangerdiet.com, and Journey Through Illness and Beyond, http://www.journeythroughillness.com/ Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), Wiley. You can contact her at: mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com. or http://www.brendashoshanna.com

Lately, I have been asked a lot of questions in the Psychic Realm chatroom about “ceromancy”. That is the fine art of reading a situation by studying the way a candle burns. Are the flames leaping high? Is the wax sizzling and crackling and popping? What does it mean when the flame goes out?

Many people in the Realm over the last year have become avid candle-burners and realized quite instinctively that the way a candle is behaving is often a mirror of the situation as it presently exists and its outcome. It is, after all, one of the world’s most ancient forms of divination. The leaping and reaching candle flames are seen to represent the souls of the individuals involved in the situation being read. For instance, one member, the other day asked me what it meant when the wax from the candle she was burning for love melted into the shape of a heart. Anyone who is used to reading wax drippings knows that is extremely good news and probably means the other person is thinking of you.

Another phenomenon that I am constantly asked about is what I call “accelerated magic.” This is when a candle, that usually lasts about four hours, starts smoking and seems to burn down very rapidly like in about fifteen minutes. This is usually good news and means that your prayer or request will probably be answered quite rapidly. If the candle was being burned for protection of some kind, it means that there was more than likely some kind of invasion or attack that the spirits decided to take care of as fast as possible.

In general, when you first light the candle, if the candle starts smoking quite heavily right away that is a very good sign. It means that negative energy is being removed from the situation. If the smoke is white, it means your prayers will be answered right away. If it is black, your prayer will probably be answered, but it is possible there will be obstacles in a way. You have to use your gut instinct if the flame doesn’t smoke at all. Sometimes that can mean there are no obstacles and other times, it means that the matter is long over. A clear, strong flame that burns steadily is a good sign that the candle is sending out a great deal of power and energy to manifest what you want. If it is small and more ball shaped than teardrop shaped, it is less likely that your prayer will be answered. A weak or low flame means you are facing some “heavy” opposition.

Staring at a flame is a great way of telling you if your magic is working. It never ceases to amaze me how a flame will seem to grow higher or grope for more air the more you meditate upon it. You can also do some divination by looking straight into the heart of the flame - the blue center that is surrounded by the orange halo. A healthy flame has a bright red core, surrounded by a blue halo and then a yellow colour. A blazing red center tells you that spirits are getting to the heart of the matter. A red center that is dim or just a pinpoint reveals a situation that may not be motivated by the heart. If the wick of the candle starts building a little bulb at its tip, chances are that you have opposition or a third party working against you. If there is a lot of blue in the flame, I take that as a sign that angels and spirits are protecting you from a possibly unhappy outcome.

Jumping, leaping and steadily rising flames are an excellent indication that spirits are fighting the obstacles that are in your way. This can be quite fascinating to watch, especially if the flame is really jumping and you are burning a candle that is intended to fight another’s will. If the flame is really protesting, so is the person and sometimes this is your cue to put the candle out. If the candle makes sizzling, hissing or popping sounds, this is also a sign that some kind of spiritual warfare is taking place. If it scares you or doesn’t feel right put the candle out. However if it feels like obstacles are being destroyed or eliminated then enjoy the show.

If you are burning a love candle and a second flame develops from an ash then I consider that to be a bad sign. It means you have a rival. If you are burning two candles that are supposed to represent two different individuals, it is not a great omen if one of the candles burns away to the bottom much faster than the other does. That is often a sign that your timing is off in the relationship or it is not meant to be.

If the candle smoke wafts towards you it means that your prayer is more than likely to be answered. If it wafts away from you, then it means that you will need a great deal of perseverance in order to have your prayer answered. According to author Reverend Ray T. Marlborough If the smoke blows to your left “you are getting too emotionally involved with the situation and are in danger of subconsciously sabotaging your own prayer so that it will not be answered. If it blows to the right you will need to use your head rather than your emotions to pursue the situation.”

The way a candle unfolds or deconstructs as it melts can be very significant. It is wonderful when the candle seems to collapse outward or unfold like a flower. I consider that to be a sign that your wish will be granted. It represents possibilities and paths opening for you. A candle that is too lopsided in one direction or another, universally means that you are dealing with a situation that is way out of balance. If the flame is buried by the wax, to me that is often a sign that the wish will not be granted.

Reading wax drippings is a totally intuitive matter. It is similar to reading tea leaves. Some shapes are obvious, like the heart, which obviously represents love. Wax drippings may form in shapes that mean something very personal to you - a totem animal for example. A good general reference book to buy that tells you the meaning of a lot of shapes, common symbols and animals is Talismans and Amulets by Felicitas H. Nelson.

Perhaps one thing to remember when you purchase a candle is that you cannot read the drippings of a candle that is made of paraffin or that is marketed as “dripless”. Go for a candle made of messy natural wax or beeswax, as they are the ones that tend to reveal the most astral information.

Samantha Steven’s articles have been published in many high-standing newspapers and she has published several books. If you wish to buy Samantha’s books about metaphysics click here
http://www.insomniacpress.com/author.php?id=110
You can meet Samantha Stevens at http://www.psychicrealm.com where she works as a professional psychic. You can also read more of her articles at http://www.newagenotebook.com

You’re a remarkable person. But, you knew that already. Still, buried among apathy, unbelief and inhibition, is the brilliant “you” waiting to be released. You already knew that, too. A few disappointments here, several temporary defeats there, and POOF! just like that, you settled for being a risk-conscious, opportunity: self-denied, generality. Nobody makes any progress by standing still. You’re not an exception; and you’re not alone.

In fact, you have plenty of company. But, why settle for a life that looks like just about everyone else’s? Do something magnificent with your God-given gifts and boldly distinguish yourself from the masses. Decide-on this day-to connect with your brilliance, within.

Paramount in your quest for brilliance is the personal development and daily utilization of your talents and abilities. As a matter of fact, it’s required. It’s not necessary to be perfect. Striving for excellence in everything you do is enough to release your brilliance.

Trust me. You were not born to be “mild.” So cut it out! There’s an entire universe out there starving for your gifts. How long will you continue to wait to take those last four classes needed for your degree? What career have you just been “wishing it were so” about? If all you can see is yourself remaining 16 units short of your degree, how can you possibly prepare for an exciting future? If you can’t believe for a meaningful vocation now, will you have the passion to believe for one later?

Challenge yourself. Commit to do just two things this hour that will untap your brilliance. Revamp your resume; make a phone call to your advisor. Even a modest amount of brilliance unreleased, would relay the message to your brain: “Wow, she’s serious!”

Ignite your passion. Inhale, then excel. Stand and deliver! See, then be!

Your life matters. Visualize your brilliance totally unreleased. Then boldly, step into the vision.

Fran Briggs is a “motivational speaker of the inspirational kind.” She is a published author of several books including, “Seeds for Success,” and the children’s inspirational, “Don’t Think Like an Elephant!” For resources that maximize human potential, visit Fran at http://www.franbriggs.com and sign up for your free successzine. It’s a newsletter loaded with innovative success tools and strategies.

“It’s just been one of those daysI can’t seem to get anything done! I’ve got way too many things on my “To-Do List”. Oh the list started out innocently enough as a single handwritten column on one sheet of lined paper; but now it’s grown to a three-column table in a spreadsheet software program! I get no satisfaction from checking off each item as I finish it. For each task I complete, at least two more are added. I began my work day at 6:30 AM with grandiose plans of completing a special project before Noon. Now it’s 16 hours later (10:30 PM) and I still have not finished the project. My anxiety and frustration are mounting. Tomorrow’s list has already been written and it does not include the things left undone from today’s list! I don’t know if I’m going to make it through the week with all of the demands upon my time and energy. I need helpquickly!

A Juggling Act

I wrote the above entry in my journal several days ago. What a day that was! How about youbeen there lately?

Life can be such a juggling act. Like professional jugglers, we try to keep 5 or 6 balls moving through the air at the same time. But unlike professional jugglers, we rarely succeed.

Everyone is so busy these days. Work is performed at a frantic pace and people are in such a hurry. There is an air of impatience and intolerancea lot of frenetic darting to and fro that is almost out of control. It’s very difficult to keep your priorities in line when life is so fast paced. But the negative consequences of so much activitystress, damaged or broken relationships, poor health—can wreak more havoc than what we think we will gain.

The Urgent

I tried for years to use a paper-based time management system with columns similar to this: “Must DoNeed to Do…Like to Do”. I’m sure you’ve used something like this (maybe even now). The problem I encountered was that I never seemed to get around to doing much in the “Like to Do” column, which was very discouraging. The “Must Do and Need to Do” items consumed all of my time.

So I switched to a simpler paper-based system with the following columns, “Urgent” and “Important”. Now, I was sure to spend my time wisely. Unfortunately, I found out that the urgent things monopolized my time and pushed the important things to the back-burner.

Here are three examples of “The Urgent”:

• Pressing or burning imperatives that must be completed immediately.
• Critical or vital tasks that someone else insists be performed without delay.
• Unrelenting and persistent routine demands on your time.

The Important

“The Urgent” often masquerades as “The Important”. However, not everything we do is important. To identify what’s important to you requires that you answer three questions:

1. Will the activity I am about to participate in make a significant and lasting positive impact on others?
2. Is what I am about to do an unselfish act that will bring happiness or joy to others?
3. Do my actions and activities promote balance in my life or are they all-consuming?

The Bottom Line

Identifying “The Important” requires focusa concentration of energy, effort, and thought. “The Important” is where you should spend most of your time. Now, before you send me screaming emails, I don’t mean that you shouldn’t address “The Urgent”. Instead, consider the following:

Focus on “The Important”!

Priority is the key to managing “The Urgent” and focusing on “The Important”. Before you leap to complete a task, take a few moments to think about its true priority. Does it need to be done right at this moment, or is there something else on your list that should come first?

While others may demand that everything on your To-Do List must be done immediately, you and only you can really determine what should be done first, second, third, etc. (It’s not possible to do everything at once; priority must be given to each item).

Today, I’ve taken a dose of my own medicine and committed to focusing on “The Important”. So far, I’ve accomplished at least one thing that will have a significant and positive impact on othersfinishing this article.

Althea DeBrule, entrepreneur and seasoned human resources executive, has focused for more than 30 years on helping people achieve their career goals. Creator of The Extreme-Career-Makeover